I went on an incredible date tonight.
I am talking two hours of driving to pick me up and take me home (yes, he walked me to my door). Of course there was dinner and even a home-made punny card with a cute “first date gift” (thoughtful and original). He built a putt putt golf course w/ my own personalized golfball. And then a walk by the lake under the stars to top it off.
(in case you were wondering about the mini golf: I did indeed beat the gamemaster at his own game)
(in case you were also wondering, that was actually his joke I just used.. although, I think whatever he said was more funny than that)
Perhaps the best part of tonight is that his respect for me ran so deep that he didn’t even hold my hand.
Have you ever been on a date that was so thoughtful you could hardly even let yourself receive it?
I came home tonight from this date and realized that my natural reaction was not thankfulness and joy, but instead guilt and confusion.
I sat on my couch with anxiety wondering what just happened, and why on earth did he do all of that – with no expectation or pressure for anything in return?
Then, a voice (not of my own) pierced through my pondering thoughts and kindly asked,
“who told you that you are not worthy?”
I sat there in silence as tears began to run down my cheeks.
That was it.
I didn’t feel deserving.
I knew it in my head, of course, but my heart had some catching up to do.
The date I went on tonight left me pursued, known, and adored. He pursued my heart and protected me in every way.
This is so foreign to me. Its has not been my normal experience and I absolutely do not know how to receive it.
Do you remember your first date ever?
I don’t think a girls first date is something she easily forgets. We dream about it from the time we are old enough to watch Cinderella.
Well, I remember my first date anyway. I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. He asked me to a movie.
I remember spending two hours getting ready for my date! I remember desiring to look so beautiful. I remember every little detail down to the outfit I chose and the song I played on repeat until (his mom) arrived to pick me up. I can still feel the excitement that built up all day and the nerves that crashed over me when I saw the car pull up.
I knew what I was worth. I remember fully expecting to receive pursuit and adoration.
Then I remember a sinking feeling in my chest when he didn’t pay for my movie. I remember experiencing feelings of disappointment when he didn’t seem to notice my beauty or find interest in me and my thoughts. He didn’t ask me about myself hardly at all, let alone pursue my heart.
We were the only ones in the theatre.
He did not respect my “no”.
And this one experience set the norm for me for a very long time.
Unfortunately, I think my story is all too normal.
Even if sexual abuse or rape isn’t a part of your story, I think the unfulfilled desire to be pursued might resonate with you.
I have been on plenty of dates that were nice. Maybe he even took me to a really nice restaurant, but at the end of it – did I really feel pursued – for my heart – with nothing expected in return?
So this is what I have come to find:
You can tell a lot about a man by his pursuit of you.
If he is passionate about you & romances your heart with whimsy in his initial pursuit of you, that can give you a glimpse of how he pursues the heart of God.
If he texts you to ‘Netflix & Chill’ or simply pursues your body more often than he seems to pursue your heart then there’s a good chance the only thing he is passionate about is his own pleasure.
A mans pursuit of you can also give you an idea of what your future looks like.
If he understands the responsibility and gift God has given him to love you, then you will see evidence of this on your first date by his genuine interest in you. This can indicate that he will become a life long learner of you. You will be pursued everyday.
If he doesn’t woo you or pursue you beyond the first date, you can pretty much guarantee that he won’t woo Gods heart with persistence & perseverance.
If his “pursuit” of you looks more like passivity.. if there’s no excitement or passion.. move on quick. If he is passive in his pursuit, passivity will show up in all areas of life as a husband and father.
Lack of pursuit is not something a woman can overlook. It is a basic need we have, equivalent to the air we breathe.
You were created to be pursued.. for a lifetime.. it’s in your DNA.
And I am not talking about pursuing you solely by taking you nice places or opening your car door. I am talking about the pursuit of knowing the depths of who you are, responding in adoration, and obtaining your affections.
My beautiful friend, not only were you created for it, but you are worth it – it is what you should have experienced all along.
“You’ll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That’s what makes a woman come alive.” -John Eldridge
Ultimately, the only type of man who will love you like this is a man who knows Love himself.
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love”. 1 John 4:8
God bankrupted heaven for you and deemed you worthy. The only man who can see the value of your worth is one who is shown it by God.
I do not really know how to wrap this post up, because no words I could type would be fitting enough – nothing I say here could help you understand the fullness of your worth. It is not something you can learn from me – or any human, really. But He is so eager to show you if you will ask Him to.
I do this thing when I go to the beach where I pick up a hand full of sand and reflect on psalm 139 (His thoughts of you are more in number than all the sand on all the shores.. and EVERY thought is good). As I sift through the sand I ask Him to tell me new thoughts He has of me that He hasn’t shared before.
About six months ago I went on a date with God to watch the sunset and listen to the waves.. but that night was different. As I sifted the sand through my hands, I let it all fall through except for one small grain of sand. Rather than our normal question, I instead asked God to reveal a thought He’s already shared with me that I need to hear again. One that I have heard but didn’t believe. He spoke four simple words: “you are worth it”.
And He has spent the last six months helping me to believe this to it’s fullness.
So I leave you with this.. in hopes that maybe we will all begin to understand the weight of it’s truth.
You’re worth it.
“You are precious in my eyes, honored, and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4